Learning to Partner with Your Inner Critic
We all have heard the loud voice in our head that recites “You are not good enough. No way could this opportunity be meant for you. I’m just not worthy enough for such a gift.” Do you recognize this voice? Do these words resonate with you? This is your Inner Critic. The voice has a role, but maybe not the role you think it does.
The way you talk to yourself can build you up or tear you down. It can control your choices, and it can keep you from living the life you were meant to live. When your inner dialogue is harsh, it’s usually because you’re repeating things you heard from your childhood, or you have succumbed to the idea that you just aren’t cut out for greatness.
If the criticism goes too far, it can discourage you from trying and take the joy out of your life. But let’s ponder for a moment together.
Who is the Inner Critic? Why does it exist? And what can we do to silence that wench and put it in the corner? We first need to understand WHY it exists. I believe that we have invisible rings of comfort that surround us at all times. These rings are our comfort zone. It’s like a bubble that exists and keeps us safe from the evils that lie just beyond. But what if it isn’t evil? What if success lies beyond, and what if your ideal life is right that outside your bubble, and you just need the courage and permission to reach for it? When you finally garner the bravery to reach outside your comfort zone, this crazy voice lights up in your head and heart and says STOP! It recites all your deepest fears, your most inner critical thoughts, and backs you down from trying.
WHY IS IT SO MEAN?
How revelational would it be if I told you it was there to protect you? And it knows the quickest way to keep you from breaching your comfort zone is to tell you exactly what you fear the most? It is there to protect you from failure, but it also keeps you from success and greatness. It is blocking you from living your most ideal life and feeling the freedoms that reside quietly in your heart! Let’s start to awaken those dreams.
Break free from the nasty voice in your head and make friends with your Inner Critic. Here are a variety of techniques that prove that there is more than one way to make peace with Inner Critic. It will sound less scary if you remember that she wants to protect you from failure and other possible dangers.
5 Tips on how to put it to work for you instead of against you:
Increase awareness. You may be so used to your inner critic that you hardly think about what it’s saying. Start changing your relationship by trying to understand what it wants to tell you.
Look back. What’s your first memory of your inner critic? Does it sound like a particular person from your past? There may be family issues or other matters that you need to heal before you can move on.
Focus on growth. Maybe your inner voice says you’re bad at math because you failed a test in the third grade. In reality, you’re not stuck in your past. Adopt a growth mindset that enables you to become whatever you want as long as you’re willing to put in the work to get there.
Aim higher. You may also find your Inner Critic easier to deal with if you keep a deeper purpose in mind. When you’re working for something bigger than yourself, you can accept your self-doubts without being overcome by them.
Try meditation. Many adults find that meditation helps them to make their self-talk more comforting and motivating. Let go of judgments and connect with your inner goodness.
Quieting Your Inner Critic
There are times when you just need a break from the negativity. If your self-talk is making you anxious and depressed, here are some simple ideas to find relief.
Seek distractions. Shift your attention elsewhere. Take a walk or read a book. Spend some time doing anything that you enjoy.
Distance yourself. Turn down the volume by imagining that your inner critic is speaking to someone else instead of you. Take any statement and replace the personal pronouns with a funny name.
Identify triggers. Give yourself advance warning. Figure out the situations where your inner critic is likely to appear. You may be sensitive about first dates or criticism from your boss.
List your strengths. If you’re tired of hearing about your weaknesses, remember your strengths. Make a list of the things you’re good at from baking bread to writing code.
Correct exaggerations. Your house won’t be condemned because you were too busy to vacuum for a few days. Keep things in perspective by ensuring that your self-talk is accurate.
Use affirmations. Repeating positive affirmations can give you a boost when you’re feeling down. Browse online for ideas or invent your own wording.
Remember your worth. Being tough on yourself erodes your self-esteem. Shore it back up by telling yourself that you deserve to be happy and successful.
Build support. While you need to value yourself, it helps to have others in your corner too. Surround yourself with family and friends who make you feel positive about yourself and your opportunities.
Take control of your self-talk and your future. Treat yourself with compassion and keep striving to reach your full potential and living your life by design.
Are you struggling to know what next steps you want to take, but you know something GREAT is waiting for you? My clients see massive growth in a short period of time, and freedom is just around the corner for you. Reach out, connect, lean in. I’ve got your back and I’m here to partner with you to live the life you are designed to lead.
XOXO…
~Coach Lea